All “Once Upon A Time” stories do not automatically end with ‘happily ever after.” To make “happily ever after” happen, needs a lot of work! Unfortunately, life is not perfect, where your trees bear the fruit of your efforts.
The first flush of love and attraction wears off in no time and when the haze clears up a bit, couples are confronted with the more practical areas of a relationship. They realize they don’t see eye to eye on many aspects of life, and it reaches a point where they can’t stand being with each other..
Reasons for a breakup
There can be a zillion reasons for a break up. It can be domestic violence, infidelity, differing tastes, sexual incompatibility and a host of others. But surveys reveal that most relationships, both marital and otherwise, break up because of the couple’s differing attitudes to money more than any other reason.
But not all breakups are final..
Many are not sure when to break up or how to break up. Breaking up and then making up becomes a pattern. They may meet again at some wedding, a barbecue or a get-together. The beginning of summer is always ripe with all these functions and a confrontation with the exes is a huge probability. Sometimes, the temptation of reconnecting becomes irresistible. In these revolving-door relationships, he or she is always on the way out or on the way in.
Do you know when to break up?
Relationship experts suggest it is necessary to stop this pattern. It is important to know “when to break up.”
Relationships get stuck, because our lives are stuck in a revolving rut. You will only know if it is finally time to break up or come together, when you change your routine and change your view point.
First, put a stop to this make-up and break-up. Start spending time with people close to you, be it family or friends; take a vacation or do something to take your mind off of the source of your heartache. Figure out what it is that is keeping your life in stalemate (chances are that there just isn’t anything left in the relationship), and make a change.
If you realize that your ex isn’t good for you and you are not good for your ex, figure out why you keep relying on such a relationship.
Why do couples stay in a bad relationship?
Most people tend to think that it is love that keeps driving them to each other, but there are several other emotions that drive this process. Couples should give themselves time to get to the core of these emotions and decipher exactly what is driving them to continue with a broken relationship. In fact, this has been seen to be destructive for the couple.
Experts suggest writing down the emotions that come to mind when thinking of breaking up for good.
Here are just a few of the reasons cited by couples, for not wanting to break up:
- Jealousy of having to see the partner with someone else
- Terrified of being alone
- Apprehensions about dating again
- Feeling bad about losing someone close to them
Surprisingly, the lists of a majority of people in this situation, are not built on love alone. Yes, the above emotions may be totally genuine, but a loving lasting relationship cannot be built upon them.
Even after realizing when to break up, and that it is time for a break up, many people have no idea how to break up without hurting themselves to an unbearable extent. This needs to be handled with utmost care. In fact, this is the worst part.
How to break up? The need to care for oneself
Don’t just say goodbye and then spend time alone by yourself. It helps to seek the help of a professional. Breakups are usually seen as something people can go through on their own. It is the norm for people to go for counseling when they want to work on their relationship. However, experts advise separated individuals to get help, as most people assuage their broken hearts through destructive behaviors like one-night stands, angry late-night phone calls, drinking or even drugs. Having to go away from someone you have loved, through a breakup or a divorce is horrible. This is the main reason, people just cannot let go of a bad relationship. An unbiased listener in the form of a counselor can make a huge difference, in leaving it behind and moving on with a new life – with hope aplenty.
Emote freely with close friends and family
These are the people you can rely on when going through a difficult time. Share your emotions with them. Give yourself the freedom to be angry, mad, or cry and do whatever you feel like.
Turn your negative feelings to positive
Here is a little help:
- Disappointment – Look at disappointment as something we do to ourselves. It arises out of our own expectations of how we think people should act. Looking at it this way helps us take responsibility for not understanding things and setting unrealistic expectations. It helps reduce negative feelings.
- Hopelessness – When feeling hopeless and discouraged, you could look at it as a sign that you need to find a source of encouragement. If you prefer, you could make a list of things that are encouraging. There are some wonderfully inspirational books you can read or even just close your eyes and listen to tapes. You can come out of it through being optimistic and seeking hope. One of the best ways is to find a close friend who is optimistic, yet validating. Open your heart to that friend, and you may be reminded of some encouraging truths.
- Feeling Destructive – These feelings come upon us because our emotional brain center has the capacity to bring out a series of chemical reactions that create a huge amount of energy. I don’t know why, but some people’s brains are said to work very quickly in creating these reactions. This can prove to be extremely dangerous in life and death situations. Unfortunately, there are some people who feel like destroying their partner or even harm themselves. Being around very close people helps focus this energy in a positive direction.
Just keep telling yourself that you don’t want to have any negative feelings and you will get out of this.
- Don’t wait till your emotions build up
- Don’t go on a guilt trip
- Talk freely about the way you feel
- Stay connected to ensure you don’t feel lonely
- Don’t let feelings of rejection set in
With the passage of time, as these emotions move through you, they will start to lose their potency, and you will be ready to take the breakup in your stride, say goodbye to your partner (or ex) and move on to a new, better, healthy and happy relationship. It won’t be long before you wonder why you were so depressed.